How can we own a part
of what we only can possess entirely?
We who do not own ourselves, being free,
own by theft what belongs to God,
to the living world, and equally
to us all. Life is a gift we have
only by giving it back again.
- excerpts from Wendell Berry of Kentucky
********************
i'm leaving for Mexico on Monday. it's been a bit of a vagrant month. more than anything i've learned that i don't want to live for myself anymore. i want to give myself to something. to other people. to the common air into which we all sing and through which we all travel. to belong completely to God. thank you, God, for the entire gift of life, of air, of freedom and of love.
Saturday, March 31, 2007
Sunday, March 25, 2007
deserts and volcanoes
i went to the desert in march
and i'm planning on hiking a volcano in april.
*************************
i went to Utah with good friends. nice, warm camping, fine foods and little fires. there were about 36 hours when we were in the Canyonlands, we hiked for miles and looked out over more and more miles of canyons - we hardly saw any people the whole time. people always wander what it must have been like for the first settlers to stumble upon these canyons for the first time? and i feel like i can almost imagine what it was like because when i looked over my first desert canyon (no, my family did not vacation at the Grand Canyon in the late eighties) and i saw amazing shades of red on the canyon walls that seemed to go on forever and boulders the size of small houses and crevises and dry, crooked creeks, orange delicate arches and just the entire landscape, nature in one of its rawest states, yeah, i was overwhelmed - in awe of the unsuspecting, desert canvas - a lot i feel like the first desert pilgrims may have felt.
but after the experience, as i was trying to process the desert with a friend. i commented that yeah, the desert is great - it's so vast and unlike anything else, but i wouldn't want to stay there forever i would miss the green grass and rolling hills of elsewhere and matt said, well, you don't climb a volcano to build a house there. you just go there because it's important. because volcanoes and deserts are beautiful and majestic and unique and they need to be climbed and explored and appreciated but not necessarily moved in upon. so, yeah, if you ever get the chance, i recommend going to the desert and hiking a volcano because it's just important.
and i'm planning on hiking a volcano in april.
*************************
i went to Utah with good friends. nice, warm camping, fine foods and little fires. there were about 36 hours when we were in the Canyonlands, we hiked for miles and looked out over more and more miles of canyons - we hardly saw any people the whole time. people always wander what it must have been like for the first settlers to stumble upon these canyons for the first time? and i feel like i can almost imagine what it was like because when i looked over my first desert canyon (no, my family did not vacation at the Grand Canyon in the late eighties) and i saw amazing shades of red on the canyon walls that seemed to go on forever and boulders the size of small houses and crevises and dry, crooked creeks, orange delicate arches and just the entire landscape, nature in one of its rawest states, yeah, i was overwhelmed - in awe of the unsuspecting, desert canvas - a lot i feel like the first desert pilgrims may have felt.
but after the experience, as i was trying to process the desert with a friend. i commented that yeah, the desert is great - it's so vast and unlike anything else, but i wouldn't want to stay there forever i would miss the green grass and rolling hills of elsewhere and matt said, well, you don't climb a volcano to build a house there. you just go there because it's important. because volcanoes and deserts are beautiful and majestic and unique and they need to be climbed and explored and appreciated but not necessarily moved in upon. so, yeah, if you ever get the chance, i recommend going to the desert and hiking a volcano because it's just important.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Ag Class
so, i'm subbing here at Greenville High School. (but only for a few more days - then it's a la Colorado!) and yesterday I was the Ag teacher. The Equine Science class was really small and i was chatting with the students, you know, like "do you have a horse?" and so on. one guy said he had a horse and the girl sitting next to him, wearing his letter jacket - class of '08, said well, it was kind of her horse too.
I said, "really, why is it your horse too?"
She said, "we have a kid."
I said, "oh, like a little goat?"
She said, "no, like a little human. We have a baby."
I was trying to be chill about it, you know, like pretending that I knew what it was like to have a baby with your high school boyfriend at the age of 16.
Then later in Welding class I overheard this one guy at a big table totally talking about drugs, and how he likes to take his coke. so I obviously interupted and asked across the room, "are you guys talking about drugs?" and of course they were scared/embarrassed. and i told them about some of my friends in Nepal and tried to convince them that drugs aren't cool. then the one main dude came up and hung out at my desk the rest of the time. I mean he'll probably still do drugs and all but my heart really goes out to him.
I said, "really, why is it your horse too?"
She said, "we have a kid."
I said, "oh, like a little goat?"
She said, "no, like a little human. We have a baby."
I was trying to be chill about it, you know, like pretending that I knew what it was like to have a baby with your high school boyfriend at the age of 16.
Then later in Welding class I overheard this one guy at a big table totally talking about drugs, and how he likes to take his coke. so I obviously interupted and asked across the room, "are you guys talking about drugs?" and of course they were scared/embarrassed. and i told them about some of my friends in Nepal and tried to convince them that drugs aren't cool. then the one main dude came up and hung out at my desk the rest of the time. I mean he'll probably still do drugs and all but my heart really goes out to him.
Friday, February 02, 2007
greetings from the friendly state
well, i just got back from the grocery store and i have to say - what a delight. i've met so many nice people waiting in the check-out lines. (for years i've been doing the self-check out, i'm not sure what that means) today i waited in a line for at least 10 minutes without any movement, but the two customers behind me in line were really chatty and just plain friendly. They weren't in a hurry or upset about anything. The girl behind me, on lunch break from the cosmotology school, was saying she felt sorry for all the celebreties, always having their weaknesses and mistakes highlighted on the front page. she said she likes to sing, but she doesn't want to deal with all that mess in Hollywood. so she said she was just fine singing in the church choir or at the kareoke bar in the basement of a local hotel.
I was really moved by her openness and her joy in the simple things like singing in the choir - i learned a lot about her story by just standing in front of her at the check out line. she didn't pretend to have anything figured out, she pretty much spelled out her weaknesses and fears in line. she was so humble it was beautiful. and she caught me off guard for sure - I'm used to just doing my own thing when i go to the store. but today i didn't do my own thing and i am so thankful. this girl's humility and kindness changed me. I wanted to invite her to go out to coffee, but i didn't...
February resolutions:
i don't wanna be just a scanner or a payer
or a shopper or a finder or a reacher or a buyer
i want to be a person and i want to be available
to other persons even at the grocery store.
i don't want to be a produce-purchasing-machine,
i just want to be a person.
I was really moved by her openness and her joy in the simple things like singing in the choir - i learned a lot about her story by just standing in front of her at the check out line. she didn't pretend to have anything figured out, she pretty much spelled out her weaknesses and fears in line. she was so humble it was beautiful. and she caught me off guard for sure - I'm used to just doing my own thing when i go to the store. but today i didn't do my own thing and i am so thankful. this girl's humility and kindness changed me. I wanted to invite her to go out to coffee, but i didn't...
February resolutions:
i don't wanna be just a scanner or a payer
or a shopper or a finder or a reacher or a buyer
i want to be a person and i want to be available
to other persons even at the grocery store.
i don't want to be a produce-purchasing-machine,
i just want to be a person.
Monday, January 29, 2007
less green grass
right, january, 2007, crazy... here are some pics from my time in colorado
snowshoed in to this tiny, primitive hut in undisclosed mountain valley with precious people and fresh snow - incredibly ideal, i didn't want to leave. other than snowshoeing, playing in the wilderness and hanging out with amazing people in colorado, well i've been living in small-town-East-Texas, doing what people in small-town-East-Texas do... (i don't know, don't ask me. I mean i had a great childhood, but you know, things change.) and watching college friends get married and/or move to Europe. yeah, i thought this time would be nice to take it slow, help my mom recover from surgery, perhaps process my time in Nepal... but i feel like i need just as much time to process my present life in small-town-East-Texas. So i love Colorado and i love the snow and i miss it. but i'm trying to embrace life here. yesterday i played rumikube with my grandmother and some ladies at her retirement home. i won the game after they had just taught me how to play and i felt kind of bad - i had really wanted one of them to win...
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