.living out of the center.

"Living out of the center enables us to blend for a moment into a greater background than our own fears, to merely be still and to know that God is God. It means that i don't figure out, i don't analyze. i simply lose myself in the experience of just being alive, of being in a community of believers, simply knowing that it's good to be there, even if i don't know where "there" is or why it's good. An inner stillness assures me that it is enough right now to be centered, to be in Christ Jesus, and that gratefulness is both the heart of living and the heart of prayer. "

~ Brennan Manning, from The Relentless Tenderness of Jesus - super well said, Brennan.

i have a friend who does not live out of her center. sometimes i just want to take her and yell, "be free." God did not set us free to become slaves again to our pasts, to our failures, or to other peoples' failures, no, it is for freedom that Christ set us free!

riding downhill.

when you're riding a bike downhill in the dark it's almost like you're floating. you're not even really there... you could be anywhere really. tonight i was in italy. i was riding down the hill overlooking Florence near Piazza Michaelangelo. all the cars that passed below were of course mostly Fiats, Ferraris, Peugots... it was summertime because it's always summer in Italy. it felt a bit foreign, but definitely beautiful and breathtaking and, well... airy.

.where i am.

wow, oh, wow, man, i'm just so thankful for the girls in my bible study. it's just so beautiful sharing our lives... we ended tonight with this beautiful prayer that is so rich and real, i have to share...

O Thou Creator of all things that are, I lift up my heart in gratitude to Thee for this day's happiness:
for the mere joy of living:
for all the sights and sounds around me:
for the sweet peace of the country and the pleasant bustle of the town:
for all things bright and beautiful and gay:
for friendship and good company:
for work to perform and the skill and strength to perform it:
for a time to play when the day's work was done, and for health and a glad heart to enjoy it.
...
Preserve me by Thy grace, good Lord, from so losing myself in the joys of earth that i may have no longing left for the purer joys of heaven. Let not the happiness of this day become a snare to my too worldly heart. And if, instead of happiness, i have to-day suffered any disappointment or defeat, if there has been any sorrow where i had hoped for joy, or sickness where i had looked for health, give me grace to accept it from Thy hand as a loving reminder that this is not my home.

I thank Thee, O Lord, that Thou has so set eternity within my heart that no earthly thing can ever satisfy me wholly. I thank Thee that every present joy is so mixed with sadness and unrest as to lead my mind upwards to the contemplation of a more perfect blessedness. And above all I thank Thee for the sure hope and promise of an endless life which Thou hast given me in the glorious gospel of Jesus Christ my Lord. Amen.


i woke up this morning and my prayer was, "God, help me to be where i am... today. help me to embrace and love the people around me today." i have so many dreams and ideas and i love thinking of possibilities and the future... that's it's sometimes hard for me to focus on the now. and then God in His faithfulness completely soaks me in the now and the pure beauty of living and well, living among friends.

the grizzly maze

hmm, this is one of those things i just can't shake from my mind. i watched the most fascinating documentary this weekend, the Grizzly Man. who would've thought... super fascinating. this everyday psycho, nature/film-guy from Florida, Timothy Treadwell, documents his experiences living in the wild "protecting" grizzly bears in Alaska. super fascinating look into this guy's world. he kept talking about the "human world" as being this far away, distant place... i was super captivated by a lot of the footage... but the truth is i often forgot what his overall point or message was, and simply lost myself in his psychological idiosyncrasies in conjunction with the breath-taking Alaskan landscape. the contrast of this man's unhealthy coping mechanisms in the distant human world with the beautiful, pristine nature surrounding him created an unintended brilliance about the film.

my initial reaction was, "man, this guy is crazy." this dude escaped from the human world to the grizzly world, which is pretty extreme, dangerous, etc... but really we all have these places where we retreat to for various reasons. we have the political world, the entertainment world, the academic world, the work world... but what about the human world? sure, it can be painful, it can be disappointing, but it is also beautiful and rich and it is also real... so, yeah, watch this movie, vote in the next election, do your homework, go to work, make that film, paint that picture, but don't erase the people, don't forget the human world.

yeah... i think more people should make documentaries.

yeah, like the country.

yeah, so, last night, random drunk girl wanders up to our table and introduces herself.

i say, "hi, i'm molly."
she says, "paula?"
i say, "no, molly."
she says, "molly, like the country?"
i say, "yeah, like the country."

no one's ever asked me that.
pretty sweet.
you know what else is sweet?
... javatinis...

yes, please.

somewhere i have never travelled

somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond
any experience, your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near

your slightest look easily will unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skilfully, mysteriously) her first rose

or if your wish be to close me, i and
my life will shut very beautifully, suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;

nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility: whose texture
compels me with the colour of its countries,
rendering death and forever with each breathing

(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens; only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands

-- thank you e. e. cummings.

i love substituting.

so yeah, today was my first day substituting... and by "substituting" i mean -- they never called me so i got to do whatever i wanted and had such an excellent day!! i love substituting... (i don't usually use names, but names are key today) woke up to a little death cab on Allison's alarm clock, went back to sleep. had a nice chat on the phone with Natalie, really inspired me. strolled over to the castle, such a beautiful day! tried to talk to Derek, he was busy. talked to Lauren instead, very nice. Clint and J-Sly stopped by, good to see them. Tasha and Renell wandered up, quality conversation, quality girls. had excellent time with Meg over a sandwich i couldn't eat and a great chat with Kyra without planning on it, very comforting. Sheryle came by and we went for a little walk ourselves. ran into Hannah on the way, always a pleasure. got back to Aspen, started making fruit and nut bars, mmm, mmm. Renea called and we went to Whole Foods, my favorite! so good to see Renae. then we went to REI and... now Renea and i have matching stuff, yea! finished making fruit and nut bars. said goodbye to Lauren. wrote Anna a note. Adam came by to borrow 4 cups of flour, no problem, Adam. snacked with Amber in kichenette, always nice. looked at photos of Sheri and Andrew, interesting. listened to Carleen's story of lost love, thanks for sharing. chatted with Allison, Camille, John, Jane, and James cellularly. wow, what a beautiful day. what beautiful names. it's funny -- i thought i was going to be "away" today, but i didn't get called, so then every experience/encounter seemed like a gift, every sight, every scent, every person, every name.

deaf or not

the other day at the coffee shop three older customers were fighting in sign language over who was going to pay for the drinks. it was somehow reasuring to me. this warm surge of "togetherness" rushed over me. i am always focusing on our differences - some people are blind, others aren't, some people are deaf, others aren't, some people are smart or straight-laced or foreign, etc... but really in the end, we all still want to pay for the bill or not pay for the bill. we are all one people. das Volk... der Mensch.

acupuncturists rule.

as my friend's completely unreligious yet gifted acupuncturist says, "let go and let God." i love ambiguous spiritual advice. thanks Bing Lee.