God gives but doesn't share

I am currently reading, Mountains beyond Mountains, a biography about Dr. Farmer, a man with a quest to care for the world's poor, this excerpt pertains to the poignant topic of sharing our resources and discoveries:
~~~~~~~
How could a just God permit great misery? The Haitian peasants answered with a proverb: "Bondye konn bay, men li pa konn separe," in literal translation, "God gives but doesn't share." This meant, as Farmer would later explain, "God gives us humans everything we need to flourish, but he's not the one who's supposed to divvy up the loot. That charge was laid upon us."
~~~~~~~
Wow, this is powerful. God, may I not take my life and resources forgranted. Give me courage to reach out and share.

I guess we didn't need to throw out the eggplant...

So, Matt and I celebrated "our Christmas," i.e., a simple, thoughtful gift exchange on Monday night, the 22nd of December because we were planning on leaving the next day for Mexico! well, that didn't work out as all the flights were full (we fly standby). So we ended up staying in Denver for two more days. But it was borderline depressingly anti-climactic because we had already opened our gifts for each other and we had even thrown away parishable produce such as the lovely eggplant we had purchased at Sunflower Market the week before... oh well, we made do with other leftover foods and tried to make the most of it. Ten points for Matt for remaining positive and trying to boost the "family morale" during our first Christmas together. I'm so thankful for my husband. And I guess relationships are more important than holiday fanfare.

I always wanted to be on a fridge

You know those families that send out photo-Christmas-cards (often color coordinated) to  adorn friends' refrigerators across the country.  Well, I always kind of wanted to be in one of those families ~ punctual, thoughtful, color coordinated, organized, in front of lovely natural backdrops, you know, happy, pretty, on-people's-fridges-kind-of-people.  

And now that I'm married, I have my own, new family and we can start new traditions.  But I guess when it comes down to it, I have reservations like:  getting dressed-up in matching clothes just for a photo (it seems fake, too planned) So I like real moments, and I value living simply - so it seems silly to pay so much for these photo-cards...  So until we figure something out...  here's a sample photo Christmas card:

He blessed me first

Tonight our House Church prepared and passed out packages of gloves, hats, and scarves to homeless people near "Jesus Saves" in Denver.   I asked  coworker and friend, who used to be homeless, for tips and he just said, "tell them 'God bless you.' "  I thought that was simple enough, but when we got there to the line of people waiting for cots and gave out our first present the man we handed the package to said "God bless you" and I was immediately struck by his kindness and his faith.  I love that!  I love when I go out thinking I have something to offer I often find that the poor themselves have so much to offer me.  His name was Victor.  He had long, dark hair, a humble gaze and a short but sweet smile.  Thank you God for using Victor to bless me.  Be near Victor tonight and remind him of your love for him, Lord.

Even my blog's Namesake

The other day my friend Kate mentioned that if she starts a book she has to finish it.  I have another friend, Alison, who i believe feels the same way (no matter how long it takes =)).

And I'm realizing that I never really feel compelled to finish much.  I had never really thought about the breadth of unfinished books in my repertoire until the other day.  Here are some of the books that I have thoroughly enjoyed but yet to have finish:

- The Cost of Discipleship  by Bonhoeffer

- Pilgrim at Tinker Creek  by Annie Dillard

* The Twilight Labyrinth  by George Otis

- Chasing the Dragon  by Jackie Pullinger

- Rich Christians in an Age of Hunger  by Ronald J. Sider

- One Nation Over God: the Americanization of Christianity  by DA Fletcher

- Prophetic Imagination  by Walter Bruegemann

* The Good News About Injustice  by Gary Haugen

- The End of Poverty  by Jeffery Sachs 

- The Sex God  by Rob Bell

- Theirs is the Kingdom  by Robert Lupton

* Simple Spirituality by  Chris Heuertz

- The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time  by Mark Haddon

- Suite Francaise  by Irène Némirovsky

- The Shack by  William P. Young

- Money, Sex & Power by Richard Foster

- and even the Namesake of my blog, No Man is an Island, by Thomas Merton

* indicates books I am currently (as of this week) partaking of

** it's pretty long, it makes me laugh

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Positive Thinking 101

No one owes me anything, rather everything is a gift.

Till the Sun Turns Black

Ray Lamontagne came to Boulder on Monday
and Matt & I had the privilege
of experiencing his music live.
Our favorite part was when "the band" would go away
and Ray would play by himself under the dim lighting.

it was quite a powerful show.
(though we wish he had left the band at home)

the first song we danced to at our wedding
was one of Ray's
Hold you in my arms
so we sang along in the back row of the auditorium
and held each other close

when mothers were little girls

mothers once were little girls,

and they too wanted to be heard

but there was no one there to listen to them,

no one there to care

and if there was it was often too late,

but then maybe it's never too late

oh God, please don't let it be too late

these mothers needed fathers too when they were little girls

there was no one there to hold them or to try to understand

everyone in their lives projected the pain they had received

and only perpetuated the sense of hatred and bitterness

oh God, let these mothers, these children be forgiving

no one is born responsible for all the pain

it's never any one person's fault

all the parents were children once

and everyone needs love

and needs to be taken care of

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i had coffee with two of the mothers from our program and i was shocked - i had never thought specifically how these mothers' childhoods might have been - and now it's clear, they too were needy, broken and abused and the thread of redemption i see in their stories via their children's faith is one of the most beautiful things i have been privileged to observe.

God of wonderful grace, i thank you for children and for open hearts willing to forgive and willing to believe in your love. Thank you for mothers and for healing - thank you for hearing us all. amen.

autumn leaves a beautiful mark...

on my heart...

as always i have been swept off my feet by the Fall and all that it brings. 2 weekends ago matt and i once again set out to enjoy the foliage, but things didn't turn out quite as we planned. We wanted to go to Aspen, but the snow storm held us back so we went to Georgetown and Gwenella Pass instead. The charmingly quaint town of Georgetown was celebrating the annual "Aspen Festival" so we decided to take part even though it was drizzling. We partook of a delightful wine and cheese tasting on the lovely property of a local historical site. It was quite unexpected and quite nice:

the lovely Euro-style courtyard

sitting in the mist,

enjoying small and large things

just a taste

we have already enlarged, framed, and hung

this foto, which is now

gracing the walls of the Yellow Room

grace and peace.

i want to make this my prayer

Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi

Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace;

where there is hatred, let me sow love;

where there is injury, pardon; 

where there is doubt, faith;

where there is despair, hope;

where there is darkness, light;

and where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,

grant that I may not so much seek 

to be consoled as to console;

to be understood, as to understand;

to be loved, as to love;

for it is in giving that we receive,

it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.

Amen.

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Aspen Hunting Season

This past weekend we, along with many other Coloradans, went hunting for golden Aspen leaves.  It was a glorious hunt - Matt got many beautiful shots with his camera and our hunt led us along a spectacular trail in the Mt. Evans Wilderness.

i love that there is a whole separate verb to describe the way the Aspen leaves quake in the breeze

as opposed to other leaves that i guess, just shake.

Here we are at the Upper Chicago Lake

we were the last people hiking "in" that day

it was once again incredibly glorious

weekends are for dreaming...

i'm cool with being in the moment, living a simple life in the city, biking to work, nice friends, small pleasures, small apartment, lots of work on the weekdays, but when Friday evening comes my head starts unwinding, my heart starts spinning and I'm ready to be free and to dream. I'm ready to hear from God, to romp in his meadows, to meet with him in the woods, to reflect with my journal in hand, my husband at my side, I'm ready to dance to some Bluegrass tunes and drink a fancy beer.

We had an amazing mini-vacation in Estes Park and Grand Lake this past weekend. It was just a normal weekend but it felt extraordinary. We got to visit our dear friend, Jessa, at the last minute and celebrate a birthday with a guy we know only from our visits to our favorite Bluegrass Bar, the Rock Inn an hour and a half from our home. I guess because I've been living "in the city" for a while I'm incredibly enthusiastic about small towns these days. We woke up slowly on Saturday morning to crisp mountain air and beautiful, dancing sunlight peaking through the evergreens. (photos to come)

Highlights of the weekend that followed:

- sipping Guatemalan coffee on the deck and reading/journaling

- admiring the golden leaves of the Aspen trees

- chocolate granola and yogurt

- getting to drive the entirety of Trail Ridge Road in Rocky Mtn. Nat'l Park

- running to get vistas in the rain/sleet at the top of the pass

- sharing a cup of steamy hot chocolate at the cafe overlooking the valley

- watching the wilderness transform into a winter wonderland after we decided not to go backpacking

- the quaint pizzeria where we warmed our bones

- the Grand Lake Fall Festival Music Show in the town square

- trying to blend in at the local cowboy/biker bar

- sleeping in the back of the Subaru in the middle of the town

- eating breakfast by the lake front

- eating a second breakfast at a local coffee shop

- talking about our dreams of life after this year and what it means to follow your calling while also learning to be content with a simple life

- walking along the boardwalk downtown

- sitting on the dock of the lake watching the fog lift

wow - wow - wow - i'm thankful for: adventure, surprises, prayer, weekends, my husband and dreaming

-

Silence Retreat

my house church ( www.denverhousechurch.blogspot.com ) went on a retreat last weekend.

it was a monastic retreat of sorts: we were silent all day Saturday.

not gonna lie - it was excruciatingly difficult for me to abstain from speaking for an entire day while intermingling with others in the community. (no one else seemed to have had that hard of a time but whatever). it was a great exercise in discipline and the experience has made me think more about using my words wisely and just guarding my tongue in general. We started off the day watching the documentary, Into Great Silence, about life at the Grand Chartreuse Monastery (considered the most ascetic in the world) nestled in the French-Alps - very long and fascinating.

here is a poem i wrote at some point during the day:

Butterscotch Shade

sunshine swing-set in the
butterscotch shade
i lean my head back on your windy lap
rope fraying from the weather tight between my fingers
sunlight in my squinty eyes
i think of my blind friend from the movie
- his thankfulness, his white robe and bald head
his smile.
I'd rather be blind in your presence
and holding your hand...
your sweet butterscotch kisses and your breezes
on my toes - intimacy i can touch and feel
as i lean back my shoulders and unwind at your side

oh yeah, can anyone name the type of tree whose bark smells of butterscotch??

Blessed are the pure in heart...

...for they shall see God!

(from the Bible, Matthew 5)

One of the girls in my program, I'll call her little Jam Jam,

sees God in everything.

She is the most authentically grateful and joyful little girl I know.

She is always finding beauty in the world around her.

she often starts her day with the phrase, "I'm so lucky"

and then she goes on to explain why she's so lucky.

It's usually because her mom or her sister loves her

or someone gave her a hug

or maybe someone gave her a "special gift"

or she got to have a 7-11 muffin for breakfast...

I want to be more like little Jam Jam.

I want to see God's goodness in the world around me.

I want to start my days with the phrase, "I'm so lucky."

I want to see God.

self timers and intimacy

don't judge our love by the amount of pictures we have of us together.

don't judge our closeness by how well our self timer works.

Matt and I just spent the last 17 days completely together.

no work, no outside commitments. just hanging out together.

it was incredible and hard to transition out of.

We backpacked 40+ miles in the Wimenuche Wilderness together.

We road tripped for about 24 hours together around South Western Colorado, Northeast Texas and along the North East Coast from Maryland to Connecticut.

We spent about 14 hours in airports and on planes together.

and of course all the hours inbetween.

i love you, Matty, and here are the only photos i have to show of our time together:

here we are chilling at the Springs Resort in Pagosa Springs

it was a bit of a funny experience

being some of the only people under 50, but very relaxing

thanks for the recommendation BJ and Christi

here we are in the middle of our last day of hiking about 12 miles,

at this point we had just ascended over the highest

point of the hike, about 12,000 ft, without a well-marked trail

it was quite the exhilarating moment

and here we are enjoying the gourmet breakfast

my delicious husband prepared for me on my 27th birthday

forever young

i just ran across this photo the other day 

and i laughed out loud

here's the love of my life, Matt.

he was trying to make some point 

about the unnecessary abundance 

of fabrics and bags i've collected through the years

And I was reminded of my friend, Kate's advice 

to our other friend, Sarah, on her wedding day.  

her profound marital advice: be silly together, laugh often, have fun!

-  -  -  -  -  -  -  -

As people ask me, "how's married life?" 

or "are you enjoying married life?"

- - I always think I should have some profound response

or deep lesson or revelation I've learned

and i always draw a blank...

-  -  -  -  -  -  -  -

but I agree with Kate, my advice is to laugh often

and have fun with each other.

dress up in each other's superfluous accessories 

and smile as you walk down the sidewalk together.

home on the range, part 1

Montana is stunning!

horses

big sky

ranches

fences

small towns

camping

beautiful lakes

no gas stations

lots of cowboy hats

pick-up trucks

many glaciers

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

matt and i just went on the most amazing road-trip through Wyoming, all over Montana and ultimately Glacier National Park. we rented a little car with great gas mileage. it was a dream. we did it and it was unforgettable. we are thirsty for more.

this is day 3 of our backpacking trip - aka one of the most incredible experiences in my life

we hiked about 26 miles, saw many incredible glacial lakes, deer of all sizes,

marmots and chipmunks galore, mountain goats clinging to the side of the rocks

and drumroll please, we saw a grizzly about 200 yards away slowing making his way to our campsite - not gonna lie, i was pretty scared - but he didn't bother us -

Grizzlies, my friend Joel told us are about 80% vegetarian! and they rarely kill their food themselves, they usually stumble upon other hunters' leftovers

at Glacier you just run across stuff like this and it's not famous like Yellowstone

but way more organic and delicious!

on our way to campsite #2 -

where we saw the grizzly

sorry, i was too stunned to run get the camera

just thinking about the kids

Today i cried just thinking about saying goodbye someday to the twenty-five kids i have come to love beyond words here in the center of Denver. I just decided to stay working with the kids for another year - which means i won't have to say goodbye for a long time - but just the thought seems overwhelming to me.

i find it so interesting that I love these kids soo much and they might not even realize it or might not even remember me when they get to high school. i might just be a passing thought to them in a few years - but i have been changed forever by my interactions with these kids. My love for them has changed me. I'm not troubled by my lack of recognition amongst the kids - I am only amazed that as I have poured out my life, my gracious God has filled up my heart more than i ever could have imagined. And I am inspired as i think of the people from an older generation who poured into my life as a child with perhaps little recognition but much vigor and endurance.

I guess they don't have to know that "this love" they may be experiencing is in part from me - i just want them to claim their belovedness at an early age. Maybe that's my new life motto to help others claim their belovedness established by God. and why not start as early as possible?

here are some of the kids on a normal day at the playground

(it's hard to get photos when they're actually looking at the camera and eyes open, etc.)

a little bird told me so

winter has come and gone ~ a little bird told me so

and come back again

and gone again

and come back yet again

and fled for good this time

yesterday we went on a lovely bike ride

under a warm sun in a cool breeze

we sat on the

perfect secret hill

in the park by where we live

i'll have to take a picture

of the view

sometime

photo: my husband's footsteps

in Roosevelt Nat'l Forest outside of Estes Park

Lost & Found

well i lost my passport and my mailbox key.
i left my Chacos in Estes and forgot my purse at another Cafe.
i misplaced a gift certificate and i don't remember who i still need to send "thank you" notes to.
i found the cucumber in my backpack and the jam beneath the seat.
i had to buy a new phone and I always forget my I.D.
i leave the "doggy-bags" at the restaurants - why do i even try.

but all these things usually find their way back to me, graciously, suddenly, pain-stakingly.

i feel like i spend so much of my life looking for things, straining, remembering, relocating, reclaiming. on my knees, reaching under couches or circling the tiny bedroom. but i'm gonna get better - i'm gonna write lists and jingles to help me remember things. and if i get good at it, maybe i'll write a book: - "Overcoming Absent Mindedness" or "Reclaiming Your Brain" or "Finders Keepers." So, i'm really staying hopeful. and i'm sorry, brother, that they never found the camera i lost at the Catherine the Great exhibit in fifth grade.

first few family outings

i'm really intrigued by the idea of "family." i've always been the little kid of the family. and i never payed attention to much. it's really different now that i've grow up and fallen in love with this guy who is very different from me and really attractive and desirable and then we join up (get married) and now we are a family - me and this guy i love and I'm not the little kid anymore - and there are only two of us in our new family - and i have to pay attention a lot to my choices, to my behavior, to my husband. it's the most powerful transition i've ever experienced - it's incredible and i stand in awe.

and here are some photos of me and my family

standing in awe on various excursion:

we thought about going skiing but decided we'd rather explore by foot in a less-populated area - it turned out to be super rewarding!

perfect white. perfect blue. real green.

sweet abandoned cabin.

we often marvel at the "hardcore-ness" of the minors back in the day

and their experience of such remoteness from others

being with the one you love in the wilderness.

nothin better.

camping along the South Platte River

Sunday night - no neighbors

morning bike ride through the valley

and of course - my favorite.

Fesa Fou Efra!

a little girl i work with, Karie, is seven years old

she's a pretty good student

she's very relational - and generally a good friend to the other girls.

she showed me a note today that she was going
to give to another girl at the Center.

she was thanking the girl for writing an
"i'm-sorry-note" after they got in a tiff.

she read the note to me and as i looked down
at the paper this is what i saw:

Fesa Fou Efra! - which she read as "friends forever"

wow, what a ridiculously way-off spelling, but i like that she didn't hold back. she wasn't hindered by her lack of knowledge - she just did the best she could. in this simple gesture i saw freedom, innocence, boldness, and beauty in the imperfection.

No worries, be happy, Fesa Fou Efra!

mi amor in the meantime

:::---:::---:::---:::---:::---:::---:::---:::---:::---:::---:::

Uhh, visit my husband's website for now to hear stories about
wedding // honeymoon.
he's more eloquent than I. Yet I long to reflect on the time shortly.


here it is: www.omargooding.livejournal.com/

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Molly's Book List C: Social Activism

Social Activism: Book List B

1. Compassion - by ... Henri Nouwen!! woohoo!

- this should be attached maybe as an appendix to the Bible

2. Rich Christians in an Age of Hunger - by Ronald Sider

3. The Good News About Injustice - by

4. One Nation Over God: the Americanization of Christianity - by

5. Theirs is the Kingdom: Celebrating the Gospel in Urban America
- by Robert Lupton

- started living with the poor in Atlanta and this book has some great insights to his own personal spiritual journey living amidst the poor

6. Urban and Multi ethnic Outreach - by Rodolpho Carrasco
- i met this man in Pasadena at the ministry he started in the super-ghetto - he's seen amazing things / people changed in the hood and they have a huge after-school program which was super inspiring, this book are just some random thoughts / writings about his ministry in the hood

7. The Good News About Injustice - by Haugen

8. One World - by Singer

9. The End of Poverty - by Jefferey D. Sachs

10. I would like to read more of MLK's writings


-- please attach any recommendations

Molly's Book List B: Spiritual Healing

Spiritual Healing: Book List B

1. Here and Now - by Henri Nouwen

2. We Would See Jesus - by Roy and Revel Hession

3. Reaching Out: the 3 Spiritual Movements - by Henri Nouwen

4. Abba's Child: the Cry of the Heart for Intimate Belonging by Brennan Manning

5. Devotional Classics - ed. Richard Foster

6. Can You Drink the Cup? - by Henri Nouwen

7. Diary of Private Prayer - by John Baillie

8. What's So Amazing About Grace - by Phillip Yancey

9. The Jesus I Never Knew - by Phillip Yancey

10. I hear Oscar Romero is good

11. I would like to read more of Mother Theresa's writings


-- please share any recommendations --

Molly's Book List A: Fiction

book recommendations for some good Fiction:

***** = super, must read
**** = great book
*** = good book
** = not so good
* = no good

1. The Poisonwood Bible - Barbara Kingsolver * * * * *
- a bestselling novel about a missionary family, the Prices, who in 1959 move from Georgia to the fictional village of Kilanga in the Belgian Congo. The Price's story, which parallels their host country's tumultuous emergence into the post-colonial era, is narrated by the five women of the family: Orleanna, long-suffering wife of Belgian missionary Nathan Price, and their four daughters – Rachel, Leah, Adah, and Ruth May.

2. A Thousand Splendid Suns - Khaled Hosseini * * * * *
- three generations of women in the midst of three different eras of oppression and fierce rule in Afghanistan find friendship and a glimmer of hope in each other

3. The God of Small Things - Arhundati Roy * * * * *
- is a semi-autobiographical, politically charged story set in Northern India. It is a story about the childhood experiences of a pair of fraternal twins who become victims of circumstance. The book is a description of how the small things in life build up, translate into people's behavior and affect their lives. The novel won the Booker Prize in 1997.

4.Three Cups of Tea - Greg Mortenson, David Oliver Relin* * * *
- one man's mission to promote peace one school at a time starting in Pakistan and overflowing into Afghanistan

5.A Hundred Years of Solitude -Gabriel Garcia Marquez* * * *
- brilliantly loaded writing style that will challenge anyone's IQ
- magical realism at its best

6. When Broken Glass Floats - Chanrithy Him * * *
- A Cambodian survivor unrolls the reels of her memory to give us this heart-wrenching memoir of growing up under the brutal Khmer Rouge. the author's intro. poem:

When broken glass floats, a nation drowns,
Descending to the abyss.

From mass graves in the once-gentle land,
Their blood seeps into mother earth.

Their suffering spirits whisper to her,
"Why has this happened?"

Their voice resounds in the spirit world,
Shouts though the souls of survivors,
Determined to connect, begging the world:
Please remember us.
Please speak for us.
Please bring us justice.

7. The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini * * * 1/2
- The Kite Runner tells the story of Amir, a boy from the Wazir Akhbar Khan district of Kabul, who is haunted by the guilt of betraying his childhood friend Hassan, the son of his father's Hazara servant. The story is set against a backdrop of tumultuous events, from the fall of the monarchy in Afghanistan through the Soviet invasion, the mass exodus of refugees to Pakistan and the United States, and the Taliban regime.

8. Namesake - Jhumpa Lahiri * * * 1/2
- Moving between events in Calcutta, Boston and New York City, the novel examines the nuances involved with being caught between two conflicting cultures with their highly distinct religious, social, and ideological differences.

9. The Inheritance of Loss by Kiran Desai * 1/2
- the plight of three near strangers under one Himalayan roof interwoven with plight of illegal immigrant from India making his way in New York where joy and sorrow and the rainy season are almost indistinguishable
** turns out this is mostly super tragic, so tragic that it almost re-redeems itself as being above reality and even artistic -- so only read it if you have a lot of hope in your heart so you won't be too discouraged


-- please share any recommendations --

tidbits from working with kids

so, i've been working with the kids in the After-School-Program for several months now. For whatever reason we have a lot of first graders. there are so many of them and they're so confused and they don't know how to read or subtract so i end up working with them a lot. i'm pretty sure it was on my first day that one of the little girls approached me and told me that she had lost her tooth - and i was so happy to celebrate this right of passage with her - we did the whole shabang - we talked about tooth fairies and biology and the pains of growing up. ((i mean i've worked with kids for the past 4 summers and i don't remember any kids talking about loose teeth or fairies or anything - maybe they don't fall out much in the summer.)) but as of late, it's been a bit overkill, kids are coming to the center everyday with new plastic lockets around their necks encasing the bloody baby teeth with style and pride - i've never been bombarded by so many loose teeth - i mean these kids are literally falling apart.

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i've noticed that most of the kids look like their moms and then i was thinking, well, maybe they resemble there fathers too - i just wouldn't know because i've never met any of their dads.
Where are all the fathers?

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