our dear friend Raju passed away Saturday night. i heard it wasn't a pretty death - he vomitted a lot through his mouth and nose - it's like his body emptied itself and then just died, surrendered. it was supposed to be my shift - saturday night. but the night before i was really unsettled about it - i even cried thinking about staying the night with him at the new hospital. i cried because i was afraid of being alone. then i cried because i realized that he must be thinking the same thing. i fell asleep in my tears friday night and i woke up the next morning feeling very alive and comforted. i knew that Jesus was right there with me and that he would comfort both me and Raju at the hospital that night. but basically - logistics, logistics, i didn't stay with him that night, one of the pastors from church did. and i see how God arranged that for Raju's sake because the pastor that night was able to pray with him and speak comfort and peace into some of his fears as he approached death.
i remember the first time i went to visit him in the hospital just 2 weeks ago, when i walked in the huge room full of patients, he reached out his weak hand and called to me, "friend, friend" and a tear rolled his cheek as he raised his hands in the traditional nepali greeting. there are certain phrases that Raju would repeat over and over in the days & nights i spent with him. -- "so much weakness" and "what to do, what to do?" He was in such pain and he couldn't sleep and i never knew what to say, just "i know, i know, i'm sorry, friend." and, well, when i hear his voice saying, "what to do, what to do?" i think of Jehosaphat's prayer in 2 Chronicles when he's surrounded by this army and he cries out to God, "we don't know what to do, but our eyes are upon you."
and Raju, now that you're gone, i still don't know what to do. what do i do about your friends at Chetra Patti who are also suffering and have no place to stay warm and they're dying too. i still don't know what to do -- but, i'll turn my eyes to God for the joy of the Lord is my strength.
2 comments:
Must be rough Molls. But a beautiful thing your doing.
On another note:Did you guys get TB vaccines before you went? Not to scare you, but please wear masks and be careful (never would have been paranoid if I hadn't been going to nursing school).
Love and prayers to you,
ian and cami
right, thanks for asking guys and thanks for studying nursing, ian. i thank you on behalf of the world. and yes, we did mostly wear masks. that part was fun - like we were going into surgery or something. and i forget about which vaccines i got. hmm, i hope i got that one. much love to you, friends! i hope your studies are enriching your brain.
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